It was time, three or four years. It built up, it built up and there's a lot of things that... Just little things that triggered it. I wasn't where I thought I'd be. Playing footy, I thought I'd be a bit better than I was, but at the same time, I didn't put in the hard work because I didn't go to training sometimes 'cause I didn't wanna confront people. Sometimes I'd go to, try to go to work and couldn't get to work. I'd break down in my car and be in tears and have to call in sick and felt as if I couldn't tell them what was going on. I just said I wasn't well. And so there's a lot of things that built up over time that drew me to the point, yeah, of thinking of suicide.
That was probably be the hardest because I worked with a guy, my boss was probably, I saw him as a macho man. Being honest and upfront to him would be a real struggle. I thought I'd probably... I probably thought I'd lose my job. So that was I suppose another burden on me that I knew I was going through so much that if I let this fall, I'm just gonna lose my job. But after the attempt, the support... I called him on this, I messaged him on this Sunday and then I was very upfront and honest and the support was amazing. He said, "Take as much time as you want off work and just be honest with me and upfront. I don't want you to worry about things." And the other bloke I worked for, I think came in and visited me... Worked with, sorry. And he was... They both are people that don't understand it and still don't understand it to this day. But considering that their support has just been phenomenal.
Probably had three months off work after the first attempt, and I probably got a message off either one of them every week or two just asking how I was, it wasn't "When are you coming back to work?", it was, "How are you? Hey what's going on, what have you been up to?" And I could tell they were making an effort, and it made it so... It made it easy to worry about myself because I knew that I had a job to go back to, and the money wasn't gonna be an issue.
Yeah he sat me down on the second day I was at work and had a really good chat with me and just said, "If there's anything you need, just talk. If you need a day off, just message me. Like I know you probably can't call sometimes. Just let me know and we'll work through it, we'll get through it." That was amazing I suppose to have that.
Probably the best way to do it, I don't think there's any wrong ways to go about it. Apart from saying, "Get over it" or that kind of negative stuff. If you're genuinely trying to be positive and there's just so much you can do. It can be as little as you asking how are you or just offering your assistance. Being open to suggestions about things, and like obviously my boss was willing to make sacrifices about the workplace environment for me to keep me on and... Just, yeah it's the little things I tend to remember and hold on to, that people are making an effort and just making someone feel safe and comfortable in the environment they're in.